Every Couple Craves Intimacy, But Only The Strong Know It’s Deeper Than Sex.

Exploring Intimacy Beyond the Bedroom

If you're reading this, chances are you're looking to spice up your marriage.

When we hear the word "intimacy" in marriage, our minds often jump straight to the physical aspects of a relationship. But true marital intimacy runs much deeper, weaving through every aspect of life shared between partners.

Hi, I'm Michael Cohen, a seasoned divorce mediator from Chicago's Lake Forest. As someone who has worked with countless couples seeking pre-divorce advice, I've seen firsthand how strengthening non-physical intimacy can transform struggling marriages. This is the secret sauce that can keep your relationship sizzling and create a partnership where both thrive.

The True Meaning of Marital Intimacy

First things first - let's bust a myth. Intimacy isn't just about sex. Sure, physical closeness is great, but real intimacy?

That's about feeling truly connected to your partner on multiple levels. It's about being vulnerable, sharing your deepest thoughts, and feeling totally accepted. In fact, research shows that couples who have strong emotional intimacy are more satisfied with their relationships and less likely to divorce.

Think of intimacy as a house with many rooms. While the bedroom is important, it's just one space in a much larger home. Each room represents a different type of connection that contributes to a strong marriage:

Types of Intimacy That'll Supercharge Your Marriage

1. Emotional Intimacy: The Heart-to-Heart Connection

This is all about being open with your feelings. It's like having a safe space where you can share your hopes, fears, and dreams without judgment.

Goal: Create moments for uninterrupted conversations.

To boost emotional intimacy:

• Create frequent check-in rituals where you share your genuine thoughts and feelings.
  
  
• Practice active listening without trying to fix or judge. A simple "I understand how you feel" can work wonders.
  
  
• Share your own feelings, vulnerabilities, and past experiences that shaped you. Don't bottle things up!
  
  
• Express appreciation for specific things your partner does.
  
  

2. Intellectual Intimacy: The Mind-to-Mind Meeting

Ever had a conversation with your spouse that just lit up your brain? That's intellectual intimacy. It's about sharing ideas, debating topics, and growing together mentally.

Goal: Discuss topics that excite both of you and challenge each other to learn or grow together.

Try these:

• Sharing your perspectives on current events or philosophical questions.
  
  
• Take an online course together on a topic you both find interesting.
  
  
• Discussing books, articles, or podcasts you've enjoyed.
  
  
• Brainstorming solutions to challenges you face as a couple.
  
  

3. Spiritual Intimacy: The Soul-to-Soul Connection

Whether you're religious or not, spiritual intimacy is about sharing values, beliefs, and your life's purpose.

Goal: Align values and connect on a spiritual level.

Consider:

• Discuss your personal beliefs and how they shape your decisions and life goals.
  
  
• Meditate or pray together to cultivate a sense of shared peace.
  
  
• Volunteer as a couple for causes you both deeply care about.
  
  

4. Experiential Intimacy: Creating Shared Memories / Adventures

Living life together means more than just existing in the same space. This is all about doing stuff together. Shared experiences create a bond that's hard to break. Some ideas:

• Work on projects together, like a home DIY task or community effort.
  
  
• Plan exciting date nights or spontaneous weekend getaways.
  
  
• Explore a new hobby or cook a meal from scratch together.
  

5. Social Intimacy: Being a Team

Social intimacy is about the bond you create by engaging with others as a couple and building a shared support system. It's the feeling of "we're in this together," even in group settings.

Goal: Build a shared social circle.

Some ideas:

• Host small gatherings or game nights at home to nurture friendships together.
  
  
• Join a community group, hobby club, or activity that interests both of you.
  
  
• Be a united front at social events; be mindful of including and supporting each other.
  
  
• Celebrate milestones together with your friends and family to cultivate a stronger “team” identity.
  
  

Building these types of intimacy seriously strengthens your relationship - the stronger your intimate bond, the better you cherish each other and can weather life's storms together.

Common Roadblocks to Intimacy (and How to Overcome Them)

Let's face it - life can get in the way of intimacy. Here are some common obstacles:

• Past traumas: Unhealed wounds, such as past relationship issues, can block emotional vulnerability. Consider seeking professional help to work through these.
  
  
• Trust issues: Be consistent in your words and actions. Insecurity or broken trust makes it hard to form a deep connection.
  
  
• Busy schedules: Between work, parenting, and daily chaos, intimacy can fall to the wayside. Make intimacy a priority. Schedule regular check-ins or date nights.
  
  
• Mismatched expectations: When one partner seeks closeness and the other craves space, conflicts arise. Have open, honest conversations about what you both need from each other.
  

Recognizing Warning Signs and Taking Action

Many couples who eventually explore different divorce types initially ignore early warning signs of diminishing intimacy. Watch for these red flags:

• Feeling like roommates rather than partners.
  
  
• Lacking meaningful conversations beyond daily logistics.
  
  
• Spending most free time on separate activities.
  
  
• Avoiding emotional vulnerability.
  
  
• Decreased interest in shared experiences
  

Actionable Tips for Building Intimacy

Strengthening intimacy doesn't require grand gestures. Small, consistent actions often have the most significant impact:

Daily Connection

• Share at least one gratitude, appreciation, or compliment every evening.
  
  
• Take 10 minutes to discuss your day without distractions.
  
  
• Express physical affection through simple touches or hugs.
  
  
• Get playful; whether it’s silly jokes or lighthearted moments, laughter creates closeness.
  
  

Weekly / Monthly Investment

• Plan one dedicated date night.
  
  
• Have one deeper conversation about your hopes, fears, or dreams.
  
  
• Try something new together or engage in a shared hobby or interest.
  
  

When to Work It Out and When to Seek Help

If you're struggling with intimacy issues, don't panic. It's normal for relationships to have ups and downs. Intimacy challenges aren’t the same as dealbreakers. Some relationships thrive after addressing obstacles, while others uncover deeper compatibility issues.

However, if you've tried these strategies and still feel disconnected, it might be time to consider professional help. They can provide valuable strategies to rebuild intimacy. Remember, seeking help isn't a sign of failure - it's a sign that you're committed to making your marriage work. And if you do find yourself considering divorce, options like divorce mediation can help make the process less stressful.

True intimacy in marriage is a journey, not a destination. By investing in different forms of connection - emotional, intellectual, spiritual, experiential, and social - you build a relationship that's truly fulfilling. It takes work, sure, but the payoff is huge - a marriage that's strong, satisfying, and built to last.

So, ready to take your relationship to the next level?

Start small - maybe share a fear you've never told your partner about or plan a fun new activity for this weekend. Every step towards intimacy is a step towards a stronger, happier marriage.

You've got this! Here's to stronger and intimate bonds!