In the intricate dance of parenting, striking the right balance between structure and freedom is akin to crafting a masterpiece. Brian Overton, a seasoned parent and advocate for resilient child-rearing, understands this delicate art. In the following article, Brian Overton discusses how to achieve a harmonious blend of structure and freedom, so that parents can empower their children to face life's challenges with confidence and grace.
Adults are often quick to forget that childhood is filled with stressors. From learning new information to changing schools to making friends to encountering bullies to dealing with trauma, there are plenty of experiences that children need to navigate. And what helps them do this? Resilience.
Brian Overton says that despite popular perception, it's well-documented that resilience can be taught. While it comes to some easier than others, the right techniques, such as providing decision-making opportunities, teaching emotion management, and more, can instill this grit, helping kids overcome any challenges they face.
Brian Overton Defines What Resilience Means for Parents
Resilient children head into a situation they know how to handle whatever happens with an air of confidence. This does not mean they do everything by themselves. Instead, they understand when to ask for assistance and are adept at figuring out the next steps.
Parents and caregivers should also learn how to equip children with the necessary skills to take control of the unexpected.
Deputy Brian Overton says that society is fixated on ensuring kids are comfortable, with parents constantly aiming to stay a step ahead of everything their children could come against. But unfortunately, this helicopter parenting style can get in the way of a child’s true potential.
Dealing with uncertainty and solving problems are key components of being human. Thus, Overton emphasizes the imperativeness of giving children the flexibility and encouragement they'll require to overcome these obstacles.
Experts Say These Techniques Can Help
Resilience lies in the balance between structure and freedom. And while it's a thin tightrope to walk, professionals note the below-outlined methods deftly handle the balancing act for increased chances of instilling success in children as they grow.
Never Eradicate All Risk
Brian Overton explains that a parent’s natural instinct is to keep their children safe. But by removing all risks from the equation, they're unknowingly eliminating opportunities to learn how to rise above.
Unlocking a child's potential means introducing age-appropriate challenges. While a five-year-old may not be ready to take the wheel of a car, they can embark on the exhilarating journey of learning to ride a bike. This pivotal step not only hones their spatial awareness but lays the foundation for future responsibilities like obtaining a driver's license. It's all about fostering growth through carefully tailored experiences.
Sensible freedom allows children to learn their limits.
Teach Kids Problem-Solving Skills
Additionally, there is an importance of teaching children effective problem-solving skills — it's a
necessary part of learning for what works and what doesn't.
Brian Overton says that with that in mind, parents shouldn't be as willing to rush to solve problems for their kids or tell them the best solution. Trial and error is the best resilience builder, but that can only take effect when parents step back. It may be uncomfortable for both parties, but it's essential, nonetheless.
Don’t Always Offer All the Answers
Brian Overton of Florida notes that tying in with the above, adults should start using "I don't know," followed by problem-solving promotion, rather than providing all the answers. While it may seem like a small gesture, it empowers children, helping them tolerate uncertainty and figure out how to deal with challenges.
Healthcare professionals suggest that the best way to do this is by starting young with small situations, before handling larger problems.
Provide Age-Appropriate Decision-Making Opportunities
Autonomy is a key part of resiliency, and age-appropriate decision-making opportunities nurtures it. Offering limited choices (e.g., outfit selections, planning studies, extracurriculars, etc.) is the perfect place to begin as it empowers them to own their choices and learn from the consequences.
Teach Emotion Management and Expression
Brian Overton of Florida notes that children need to learn that it's okay to feel any emotion — it's what happens next that's integral. Teaching appropriate emotional expression offers the ability to understand, use, and manage their own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict and self-regulation, the must-haves for resiliency.
Children possess an uncanny ability to grasp concepts swiftly. It's astonishing how keenly they discern which potent emotions pave the way to their desired outcomes. Witnessing this innate acumen in action often leaves adults in awe of their rapid learning prowess.
