By TIM KELLY
Saying goodbye to a friend or loved one can be a journey. And sometimes the navigation of that journey requires a team effort to get through.
That was certainly the case of the farewell to Samuel Valenti, a former South Jersey resident who passed away in 2014 at the age of 93, following a gallant eight-year battle with Alzheimer’s disease.
Along the way, Sam’s friends, family and extended family dealt with the realities of caregiving, medical red tape and the slow loss of Sam, in addition to the normal grieving process.
Much of the journey is documented in a wise and touching memoir, “An Eight Year Goodbye,” by Sam’s daughter, Maryanne V. Scott, a part-time Ocean City resident who also has a home in Doylestown, Pa.
“Before my father passed, I wrote some things down, and decided to turn it into a book afterward,” said Scott, a fourth grade teacher. “I’m not a writer, but I thought that if someone could benefit from reading about our experiences, it could help them.”
Scott underestimates herself. She is certainly a writer, despite a previous lack of experience.
In “An Eight Year Goodbye,” Scott weaves a gripping story of Sam’s life, including some humorous anecdotes along with the jarring aspects of caring for an Alzheimer’s patient and finally, the sad outcome.
The title reflects Scott’s and the other caregivers’ selfless efforts, and the literal sense of what was happening on a daily basis, she said.
“Every day, as dad’s condition progressed, we slowly said goodbye to a piece of the man we all knew. A humble, healthy, independent guy and a hard worker, was losing a bit every day. And we were losing a part of him, too,” Scott said. “We were seeing a man who always did for himself and did for others, who could no longer do for himself.”
Though an undeniably sad narrative, the book also is a hopeful one. It provides the reader with an intimate look at the sacrifices and travails of Sam’s caregiving team, and puts a name and a face on one of the thousands who die from the disease each year.
According to the Alzheimer’s Association website, more than 122,000 people died from Alzheimer’s in 2018, the most recent year of available statistics.
However, the toll could be much higher because of deaths attributed to other symptoms or so-called “natural causes.”
The Alzheimer’s Association website estimates 5.8 million Americans age 65 and above currently battle the condition.
Whatever the true number, “An Eight Year Goodbye” is unflinching in its telling of Sam’s backstory and his illness, from the perspective of those whose boots were on the ground during his fight.
Anyone caring for an Alzheimer’s patient, or wanting to learn more about the disease for which there is currently no cure, would benefit from reading it.
It begins telling the story of South Philly native Sam, who dropped out of high school to join the Army and serve in the European theater of operations. Without a formal education, he took up tomato farming in the 1930s to provide for his wife, Mary, and eventually for Scott and her brother, also named Sam.
“When people talk about my dad, the word that keeps coming up is ‘kindness,’” Scott said. “He was involved in the lives of our family members.”
That included his first cousin, Oscar winner Katharine Hepburn.
“(Hepburn) always told us she wanted to be an actress, and that’s exactly what she did,” Sam would say to the family, showing his understated wit.
In addition to wit, Scott’s dad also had a knack for mechanics.
“My dad was mechanically inclined and could pretty much fix anything,” Scott recalled. “If somebody told him they needed their car repaired, Dad could look at it, take it apart and put it back together running perfectly.”
Sam bought a farm in Mount Holly, Burlington County, and became a tomato farmer.
“He would raise his tomatoes, and drive truckloads to Camden and sell them to the Campbell Soup company,” she said.
He was successful in providing for his wife and family.
He was always there, “writing checks to help us with tuition bills,” Scott noted.
“When I was thinking about becoming a lawyer, he said, ‘Go to law school. Tell me how much it is,'” she said.
Years later, things began to change. “There was the forgetfulness, the repetition,” Scott explained.
And eventually, there was the grim diagnosis.
At that point, the family and extended family began their long goodbye.
Alzheimer’s is a neurodegenerative illness that usually starts slowly. The symptoms worsen and accelerate as it progresses.
The book was published recently by Page Publishing and is available at Barnes and Noble, Amazon.com and as an e-book.
Currently, several book-signing events are in the works and will be announced shortly.
Scott said she is proud of the cover. It features a photo of a South Jersey farm and a spectacular sundown to symbolize Sam’s later years, as well as his career in farming. She said the design team at Page Publishing morphed a photo of a sundown over a second picture of a farm taken by her.
“We drove all over South Jersey to find the perfect farm,” she said of herself and husband, Jim. “He has been my rock through all of this and my number one cheerleader for the book.”
The couple has two adult children, Jim and Katelyn. Scott said her family helped with caregiving.
Throughout, humor has always been a part of the formula for getting through the ordeal, she said.
One time, Sam said something that the family took as funny, she said, even though the comment was directly related to his illness.
“I said that I felt bad to be laughing more or less at the expense of dad’s disease,” she said. “But my brother made a good point. Sometimes when caring for an Alzheimer’s patient you have to laugh or you will cry.”
